sparkle
by tatty ted
Summary: She hopes everything will be okay. - —Adam/Jess.


**a/n**: requested by — **gillian kearney fan** {:

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><p><strong>let me hold you<br>**AdamJessica.

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><p><em>i.<em>

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><p><em>one, two, three.<em>

Time goes so slow when you're waiting for something that can change your life.

It's been five months since your _(dirty, seedy) _affair and everything's gone back to normal_. (Well almost.)_

You haven't had a period in that time but your in denial.

_( your under stress, you tell yourself but you know the truth. )_

You stare hard at the test, the two pink lines on the stick confirming your fears.

You close your eyes and you pray it'll go away. When you open your eyes again, the test is still positive.

Now you're even more confused, scared and lonely than before.

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><p><em>ii.<em>

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><p>You never planned to get pregnant but you weren't exactly careful.<p>

But it's not just the fact your pregnant that's got you in a twist.

You don't know who the father is. It's either your _(twisted, controlling) _husband or your _(sweet, caring) _lover.

You hope it's the latter but you know your husband will go mental _if _he ever discovered the truth.

You had an affair but you ended it. _(it's only a fling.)_

But it isn't. It never _was_. It's love and you know it is.

Then there's the children, _your _children. — how would they feel about you having another child?

A sibling that _might _not even be their full sibling.

You can't keep the baby, it'll only cause a lot of grief and you come to a decision.

You're going to get rid of it. You _have _two.

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><p><em>iii.<em>

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><p>Days goes back and you finally make an appointment.<p>

It's a waste of time and energy — she says you can't have an abortion.

_( your too far gone i'm sorry. )_

You go home, teary eyed and you sit on the stairs.

Your quick, easy plan to abort is shattered into thousands.

You stand up, staring at the stairs and you get a _(crazy, ridiculous) _idea.

If you throw yourself down the stairs, you _might _just lose the baby.

And the best thing about your idea? It looks like a terrible accident.

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><p><em>iv. <em>

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><p>You walk up the stairs, holding on the banister as you reach the top.<p>

You stare down at the bottom of the stairs and take a deep breath.

You're not stupid. You know there's a possibility you could _die _from this.

But you've got no other option.

This is your last chance at putting the last five months right.

You throw yourself down the stairs and it doesn't hurt _(not much anyway)_

You lie in a crumpled heap at the bottom and suddenly, you feel sleepy.

And your about to close your eyes when you hear the doorbell ring.

But you ignore it until you hear his voice. _(it's adam. he's here for you.)_

But it's too late to do anything because you slip into unconsciousness.

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><p><em>v.<em>

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><p>You wake up, wires around you and various machines beeping.<p>

Your not alone either, he's there. He's waiting for you.

"Hey." He says and he smiles. _( that cheeky smile you fell in love with. )_

You smile back before whispering, "Hey."

"How are you?" He asks and you reply you've felt better.

Then there's a silence but it's not uncomfortable, it's just silence.

"Jess—" He begins and you know what's coming next.

"I'm sorry." You whisper as you burst into tears, "I was going to tell you."

And he just sits on the edge of the bed, his arms wrapped around you.

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><p><em>vi.<em>

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><p>Eventually you stop crying and you explain.<p>

You tell him _everything_, how you feel and why your so confused.

You tell him you don't know if he's the father — he might be, he might not.

He tells you he doesn't care. He tells you he loves you.

But you ask him to leave. Your heart can't take the confession.

It's only when he goes that you burst into tears again.

But you've come to a decision, you've made up your mind.

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><p><em>vii.<em>

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><p>It's your final day in hospital and an hour before been discharged you have a vistor.<p>

He sits on the edge of the bed and tells you he's leaving.

You ask him why and he simply answers, _(because there's nothing else left for me anymore.)_

And you chew your lower lip, "Where are you going to go?"

He laughs nervously, "Somewhere. Anywhere. Away from here."

Then there's silence and you know it's now or never.

"Adam—" You begin but he cuts you off, "Don't Jess."

"Hear me out." You ask and he nods but you see it in his eyes.

He's scared he's going to have his heart ripped out again.

"I want to be with you Adam, I love you."

And although he's silent, you see the sparkle in his eyes.

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><p><em>viii.<em>

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><p>You leave with <em>your <em>children in the middle of the night.

No note, no discussion. You'll let them know in the morning that they'll never see daddy again.

You leave behind your marriage ring and your engagement ring. You don't need them anymore.

You meet Adam outside and you all get into his car.

Nothing's spoken between you both as he turns on the engine and drives away from your old life.

This is your _past _and he, and your children are your_ future._

And although he still doesn't say anything, you notice the same old sparkle in his eyes.

And you know that everything is going to be okay.

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><p><strong>an**: if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review with it.  
>pretty please <strong>REQUEST <strong>there must be more pairings you want to read.


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